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ZORK — You are Likely to be Triggered by a Grue

by Margaret MacLennan

May 25, 2015

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You are sitting in front of your Tumblr dashboard.
It contains a pitch black and patriarchy white screengrab from text-based adventure game released in 1977.
You are likely to be triggered by a grue.

>What is a grue
A grue is an oppressive, lurking white male in the dark places of the internets.

>Get screengrab
Oh, no! A lurking grue slithered into the room and oppressed you!

ZORK

Designed and programmed by four white male MIT nerds, ZORK was named for the campus slang term meaning “almost raped.”

It’s true! Its developers were trying to improve upon William Crowther’s Colossal Cave Adventure which was written to passively threaten his ex-wife by subtly emulating her experience as a spelunker and inflicting his narrative on his young children.

The game shows the clear influence of both Dungeons and Dragons and The Lord of the Rings, which are in turn mostly notable as the work of white supremacists Gary Gygax and J.R.R. Tolkien.

ZORK is played in the first-person perspective which is problematic considering white men consider themselves to be the first people. It is in this way that we may conclude that the protagonist of ZORK is in fact a white male. Further clues come to us in the necessary confrontational violence required to finish the game. Not only must you kill a thief with a knife (instead of rehabilitating him with federal programming dollars) you must kill a troll with a sword.

Since troll is slang for feminists this particular action should be extremely distressing. You asked for real life examples of threats? That’s a real life deliberate example of a serious threat.

I’ve already contacted the authorities and several Reddit mods to demand action.

The goal of ZORK is to steal and collect treasures including blood emeralds and conflict gold which only find their worth under an evil capitalistic system that prizes jewels and crystal skulls over real human lives.

Most damning of all is that ZORK was written in the Lisp descendant language MDL or “Muddle”. Most early practitioners claimed it stands for MIT Design Language but recent backtracing has proven it stood for “Men Do Lots”, an early form of the modern MRA movement.

It’s time for ZORK to >go away.

 

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